Beloved, you have just passed through an intense few weeks of weather-related crises. Even as you have seen evidence of these devastating events, some of you have also lost loved ones in death, cared for family members after surgeries, been through personal surgeries or injuries, and assisted friends and neighbors. You have also been faithful in your Ministries in Daily Life, investments in our missional faith community, and family roles. And, if this is not enough, you have also viewed countless numbers of negative political ads. Emotions are floating around in you like leaves in an autumn wind. Here is a pastoral article which I hope helps you a bit as you process all of your feelings in these days.
Everyone has emotions. You can try to deny your feelings, but they seep out. Other people see them in you – or they feel them. You may find yourself overcome with one emotion or feeling in a situation while another person going through the same experience expresses a different emotion. How many feelings do you have? Do you think your way through your feelings, or do you feel your way through your thoughts? Maybe both, depending on the setting? What is the difference between feeling acceptance, trust, and admiration? What is the difference between annoyance, anger, and rage? What makes you feel awe? What makes you feel contempt for another person or situation? What brings you deep joy?
While your feelings can be complicated and messy, you mustn’t ignore your feelings or try to numb them. Counselors in our congregation – and we have some fine ones among us – will tell you that it is good to name your feelings and identify why you are experiencing or expressing this emotion. It may be important to discuss it with a trusted friend or counselor. Your emotions are part of you just as much as your bone marrow. You cannot deny their existence.
Through fifty years of pastoral ministry, I have cared for many people and dealt with numerous circumstances that could have been avoided altogether or at least curtailed on the misery meter if an individual had just been more self-aware or mindful of their own emotions. Of course, some people grew up in family systems where processing emotions honestly and openly was either unknown or discouraged. Some individuals have emotional scars from intensely difficult life moments that limit their capacity to process certain feelings in response to particular encounters. Some of you have learned how to be the non-anxious presence in a relational system that brings balance when a tipping point is near. At a different time, you may need someone else to be the non-anxious presence so you can fully express your true emotions.
Please try to avoid suppressing or repressing your emotions. If you feel sad, it could be because you have lost someone, some ability, or something that is of value to you. Seek out a friend who knows how to offer comfort and understanding. If you feel angry, you may have been mistreated or accused unfairly and you feel the need to fight back in order to protect your self-worth or your character. If you are afraid, you may be concerned that a relationship or area of responsibility is not going well, and you may feel a need to give in or invite help. Some fears are real; some are not. Let someone help you determine whether your fears are based on reality.
Here are a few thoughts on how to pursue better emotional health. Establish a few friendships in which you are trusted and in which you can trust. Sharing confidential aspects of your life by being vulnerable with a trusted person strengthens your foundational support system. You may want to establish a relationship with a trusted and professional counselor. Seek out a therapy group. Become involved in cardio and/or anaerobic exercise. Learn about journaling or meditation. Study prayerfulness. Take up a new skill or interest such as art, language, travel, dance, music, or cooking. Let your social support system know how you are doing. As you face challenges or difficult days, you will function better, experience more joy, and express greater positivity if you are processing your emotions in healthy ways.
Please remember that your pastor loves you, is grateful for you, and is praying for you each day. Shalom!
